The Secret Keeper

All of my life I have been a secret keeper.  A person who attracts people to talk about whatever their soul needs to purge to move on in their lives.  I have had so many experiences and still managed to greet just about everyone with a warm smile and a compassionate ear.  I'm not a therapist, I'm not a priest, I am just a simple but complicated girl with a simple dream. My dream is to take on the topics that others don't really want to talk about such as politics, religion and sex. 

Everyone has a secret.  There is something about every human being that they wish they didn't have to carry.  In a world of positive thinkers they are successful or unsuccessful, a winner or a loser, a saint or a sinner.   But in the world of our brains there is always something we hold close to our vest never to be spoken of.  Until one day we just let it all out.

I have never been good at keeping my own secrets, I'm a pretty open book.  I used to spread the words out in different chapters amongst different readers.  This way I purged my own secrets and nobody knew the whole story.  Sometime in March most of the story came out and the rest has been keeping me in fear since the day my world came crashing down.  I couldn't live with my own secret hell anymore.  I crashed and burned.

A lot of really positive and wonderful changes have happened since then.  I feel closer to God and the universe.  I have learned to replace most of the resentments and sadness with love and happiness and I have learned to appreciate the simple but complicated person with a smile that everyone can talk to or about.  There is a need for us to have these conversations with each other so that we can heal ourselves and become whole before our soul leaves this world.

Our soul is the center of our universe. The soul beckons other lost souls to share their lives.  The soul calls wayward travelers to share their secrets with people they don't know.  Someone who won't judge them,  who will listen and help them move along their way with a smile.  That is what I am, a simple but complicated woman with a simple smile and an ear to listen. I have been so fortunate to meet many strangers who have heard my sentences and even more who have read my chapters.  I am so grateful to all of them.  I find God in my conversations with others and feel I am sharing his essence of who I am when I speak to strangers who let me into their lives in gas stations and supermarkets.  I know that I am not alone in my troubles because I know that everyone has something they have to transcend.

Your secrets may come early in life as mine did or it may come later in life when you just can't remember where you parked your car.    But trouble knocks on everyone's door.  So does beauty and laughter and music and hand embroidery.  Hopefully in our mere mortal lives, the latter knocks more than the former.  Until then I am grateful to be the secret keeper because it is not a good thing to keep our secrets in our heads while it slowly poisons us from the inside out. 

Find God or whoever you believe in.  Find the beauty of art, the movement of music, the laughter of a good joke and most of all find a fellow secret keeper or someone you really trust and get rid of the poison.  And then close your eyes or move your body and DANCE.

My Soul is Speaking

My soul and I have been having a rather tough time of it at late.  Lots of changes, lots of turbulence, lots of long lengthy conversations about how I ended up where I am today.  It's a really good question and much to depressing for an inspirational blog but my soul seemed to know something about me that I didn't know.  That was how to love.  How to love music, how to love embroidery, how to love my son, how to love texture and subtlety, how to love to express, both in words and art.  How to be grateful for the friends and family you have, because even in bad moments as mere mortals we are blessed to have love and be reminded of hate.

Hate is a very destructive emotion.  It kind of eats you up from the inside out.  My soul seems to have been winning the battle as of late but hate is still there somewhere.  But once again I hope this to be inspirational, if it inspires you to be responsible for your own well-being I've done my job here.  Whenever you don't make a conscious effort to choose who you want to be, something or someone else makes that choice for you.  And then it depends on whether that person is a good force or a bad force.  You kind of get to choose your own reality so may the force be with you.

My soul has lost 30 pounds since some time last December.  It's stopped every bad habit it ever had.  It made me look at my life and make some positive changes, it lovingly talks to me every single day and has taught me how to love myself again and clean up my act so to speak.  But I guess the changes haven't happened quickly enough because here is the mere mortal still making huge mistakes.  I'm not exactly following that axiom of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, but it's close enough to give me pause.

So here I am at the moment making a choice.  My choice is to follow my dreams with abandon.  Write my blogs, make my art, finish getting rid of the clutter of my mind and my body,  so that I can bring only the things I love with me to my new life and make some smart decisions for a change

To make my soul lighter. .   The interesting part of the last few months is that  my soul knew something profound was happening to me but I of course being a mere mortal wasn't really aware of it until it was probably too late.  But the dreamer in me still thinks someday my prince will come.  And when he comes he will love me just exactly how  I am because he has been looking for someone to wake up from her sleep and ride off into the sunset with him.  Now that last part may be a fairy tale but fairy tales can come true it can happen to you if you're young at heart.  And  besides what every sleeping beauty needs is a fairy tale. And what every woman of the millenium needs is to find all the things she loves, put them all together and work towards making all of her dreams a reality.  In my reality, I love to write, I love to hand embroider, I love to dance, I love to knit.  I love to be a stitcher of broken hearts and a mender of lonely people.    And you know what I kind of inspired myself here because I feel better now than I did an hour ago.  So I stitched myself too.