I have been going through a spiritual awakening of the type I never thought I was possible or capable of. It has been a long 6 months but I have learned so many things about myself. I learned that it is possible for your soul to know something that you cannot even imagine in your wildest dreams. That if it is true, your belief in God, the universe, your family, even a monastery can give you the answer you were never looking for.
I had a dream over 10 years ago, a beautiful angel grabbed my hand, took a walk with me and brought me to a cottage overlooking a serene pond. While there I noticed a little building on the side which was filled with my work and a small green baby sweater. Since I was crocheting baby clothing at the time I never thought twice about the green baby sweater and I thought the angel was an angel guide. I did however move myself from Long Island to upstate New York. I worked really hard, believed in the dream. The dream of moving from one place to a simpler kind of lifestyle. I experienced numerous synchronicities to keep me on my path. I have not regretted that decision one little bit even today. I have great friends, I've discovered I'm an artist, I have my work in several stores here and I have found a more authentic self here.
Then one day I put on my headphones and the rest of my life started changing immediately and it scared everyone except me. The music had spoken to my soul. My soul was happy, I've lost at least 30 pounds, laughed, came out of the shell I lived in. Everything changed and I mean everything. Today I look back at the girl before the headphones and wonder where did she go?
My soul had made a connection with a voice. Weird things started happening almost immediately, syncronicities, messages everywhere. I knew things I shouldn't have known about the voice and the voice knew things it should not have known about me. We conversed in code about kings and queens, princesses and towers.
I didn't think too much about it, except for this weird kind of connection and all the strangeness in the rest of my life. A connection with the voice was not even in the realm of possibility. At the same time I made a connection with the voice, the voice made a connection through my eyes and a sort of clairvoyance came with that connection. The feeling that I was not alone and I was deeply loved. The feeling that two lost souls had connected somewhere outside of ourselves. The feeling that the voice and the eyes were just two lonely souls going through the same kind of life experience at the same time. The voice seemed to have an answer for every question my soul was looking for, and the eyes were the object of yearning and a deep knowledge of things not known outside of myself.
Many sleepless nights, hormonal issues and a full moon later, a connection was made that foretold of a great sadness and regret for something that mere mortals had no explanation for. A flame had been kindled and a friendship between voices and eyes began. A connection between two souls so intense that I could feel when the other soul was heartbroken and was in despair. I reached out and ended up in a few month long dark night of the soul that changed who I am so completely that even now I feel that part of my soul is in limbo waiting to be reunited with it's other half. On that evening the flash of a queen came up on my computer, a queen named Kathryn Howard and a story of two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together.
My physical life took a turn from bad to worse and I had a nervous breakdown trying to cope with the intense experience of soul work and mere mortal work. The breakdown resulted in me following a car on the highway believing the voice was in the car, what was really happening was an escape from the mere mortal life I had come to outgrow. The days that followed were manic and crazy as going through a
traumatic episode of the soul and the body at the same time would be .You cannot even imagine what my life and the lives of those around
me became for a while.
From that day forward to today whenever I found peace the voice was always there. The voice told me that your mother sent me to take care of you. I was part of your dream. I felt a great deal of peace from the words and the feelings of the voice inside my head. It was a guiding voice that to this day tells me that it will take care of me and that I have the strength of my mother, my grandmothers and the strength of all the other souls and angels both mortal and heavenly behind me. I have also heard the voice of my heavenly angels when I am meditating confirming the messages.
As I felt the presence of this comforting soul, synchronicity were everywhere and I began to get emails about spiritual awakenings, psychic abilities, chakras, soulmates and what to expect from a spiritual awakening. As I had already experienced these feelings when I wanted to move from where I used to live to where I live today, I paid attention to and believed in the messages. A few weeks later I had this feeling this soul really was sent to save me and was sent by my mother. .
Then as I gained my sanity back I started to get back to my normal life. Everywhere I went I saw something that reminded me of the voice. License plates, facial features, songs. I felt I was living a Carl Jung daydream. I began to meditate and felt the light of my chakras illuminating my soul. Whenever I would meditate my spirit guide or angel was always with me. I started to feel the presence of this soul in a more physical form and I felt myself sitting next to someone and putting my head on its shoulder or walking outdoors with the feeling of a hand in mine. My dog also started reacting strangely as she sensed a presence too.
In the weeks that followed, a picture of my brother appeared in my head and the inner voice told that it was
the voice was my brother Lawrence and that my mother who believed in
reincarnation had sent him. There was always something on the computer that seemed to validate the images that my brain was receiving. I remembered the name Kathryn Howard only to find out that she was a hand embroidering queen who was beheaded by King Henry VIII. Her lover was also hanged on the same day.
Cambridge, NY is where the monastery at New Skete is located. I belong to an artist cooperative in Cambridge and had forgotten that I had switched from the morning shift to the afternoon shift in the fog of the aftermath. So with nothing to do for three and a half hours I decided to get cheesecake from the nuns at New Skete only to discover that the store did not.open until 2:30 in the afternoon. So off I went using the directions on the door to the New Skete monastery. I have never been in so peaceful a place in my entire life. There were paintings of Saints and prayer books open to certain passages which had meaning in my life. I wrote about the experience on my other blog, Tangled Stitch. I had such a profound experience in the monastery that I heard the comforting voice very clearly and very loudly using the name of one of the saints.
Everywhere I have gone since that day I picked up inspirational quotes, have met angels in human form and heard angels in spirit form. I seem to meet interesting people at the coop who believes in angels and spirituality every time I work. I am still hearing from the inner voice names and words that confirm the experience I am having. I research them on my computer and see familiar faces from every aspect of my life from childhood to adulthood. I remember interesting psychic and spiritual events from my childhood on a daily basis. The soul voice is still with me telling me that my soul has gifts I have yet to open and that my potential is unlimited. The soul calls me by my name DebraAnn or Deb. DebraAnn was a name only my mother used to call me by before I became an artist. Now DebraAnn is my name and it seems to fit me more securely then it used to..
Last week I went back to the monastery for a second time, while there I found the face of the soul, the face of myself with a different nose and the familiar faces of my friends and family all painted along the walls of the monastery. I left the monastery, feeling once again that this is no mere coincidence but a spiritual awakening and a connection of souls. I did a little research about the New Skete monastery and found the name of the monk who started it was Laurence Mancuso. My brother's name was Lawrence and my mother's maiden name was Mancuso. I also saw a likeness of the angel reflected on the monastery wall and the name is spoken or appearing everywhere I go. I must admit that at times I am fearful of these messages as they seem to be of a nature that is slightly out of the ordinary for a hand embroidery artist, but they almost always happen when I am at peace and they are always comforting and loving. I believe that there is a beautiful angel watching over me and that we share a part of our souls.
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Blessings.
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